Saturday, March 27, 2010

A Whole New Season

I have been a story teller most of my life. I'm still not sure if I was born with this inside me, or if it came from the hours I got lost in books, but I am sure of this. Once the stories started and the words began to flow, I couldn't stop them.
I came home from my first critique workshop in tears and realized then that I had two choices. Either suck it up, get tough, and apply what I was learning, or, stop writing. So I stopped writing. But the characters were already alive to me and the story continued in my head and in my dreams whether I wanted it to or not, so I pushed on.
That was when I decided that if I was going to do it, I wanted to do it right. So, for the next few years, I used all my vacation time going to writing conferences, workshops, and seminars. I immersed myself into the world of writers. I listened for hours as best-selling authors and editors talked about narration, point of view, conflict, drama, passive language, dialog and finding your own voice. I came home energized and excited. I found a local writers group and we met once a week. Five years into it, I had finished my novel.
Encouraged to send it out, and then discouraged by the numerous rejections, my creativity was squelched. When the words stopped flowing, I took another hiatus. But this time, I prayed about this passion I had.
I wasn't sure this was something I could give up, but I also knew that I couldn't continue it if it wasn't God's will for my life. If God wasn't in it, I knew it wouldn't be worth the pursuit, so I waited.
When the inspiration for a new book finally came, there were days that I couldn't get the words out fast enough. This new novel had the, "psychological thriller," aspect that I loved to write, but it was also full of the character of God. It was a story I could be proud of, and I believed that in the end, it would bring God glory. I began to research the Christian fiction market and found that it was bigger than I thought and I found a place I thought my novel would fit. 

     When the book was almost finished, I took the first two chapters to a workshop in San Diego and came home really encouraged. I felt like I was almost there. I then went to my first Christian writers conference with some women from my church and again, felt like I was on the right track. I was almost ready.
The largest Christian writers conference in the nation was just a few months away in LA, so I decided to set my sights on that. I lined up a job to pay for it, then got on the website. There was a mentoring clinic for advanced fiction being held right before the conference itself, so I applied. I had to submit some chapters from my book, and I wasn't even sure I'd get in, but I knew I wanted to participate in it if I could, and then, I waited.
Over the next few days I sent out an e-mail to my closest friends and family and asked them to pray about it for me. I knew that I wanted to go, and felt like I was ready, but as excited as I was at the prospect, I also knew that it would be a waste of my time and my money if it wasn't God's timing. I asked everyone to let me know if they got a strong feeling about it one way or another.
Within ten minutes of sending out the e-mail, one of friends replied saying that she didn't think it was the right thing for me now, and that I shouldn't go. What?...this was not the response I expected...and it was so fast...had she really had enough time to know that?
I waited a few more weeks before I confronted God with what I knew in my heart he was saying to me. After no one else responded to my e-mail, I could no longer deny what I knew. God was asking me to give up writing fiction. So for the next 3 days I wrestled with Him about it.  I climbed into the ring full of tears and questions. I wanted to fight it out, so he let me. He was gentle, but He won the match. He always does. But in the end, I had peace.
So now what, you may ask?
Until God opens another door...I blog...


  1. Pam, so far I love that you have taken the road of blogs. Perhaps it is a whole new world, where (sadly, or not) fiction is a time of leisure and blogs hold more relevant into today's society. As a stay at home mom with a child of frequent but short naps (thankfully getting longer), I rely on blogs to give me a taste of sanity. To give me a pause of "mommy hood". I indulge on my spiritual, baking, drama, comedic seeking self and explore the word of blogs. Welcome to this new art. Enjoy as I have already enjoyed all that you have to share!

  2. Hi Pam, I had no idea that you were going thought all this. Hey I just want you to know that God really does want you to dream, & dream BIG!! He has planted so much inside of you. It is certainly going to be an adventure watching how it all enfolds. So glad that you are wrestling with God for your Destiny!! You have big one. Love, Grandma Kaffy